What would you say the most important part of homeschooling is?
Would it be the curriculum that you get to select for your children?
Perhaps you would say it’s the self-paced work environment.
Maybe you would think it’s the schedule.
Today I’m going tell you what I think the most important part of homeschooling is, but first I want to share a little story with you….
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The most important part of homeschooling….
As you may already be aware, my oldest daughter is a reluctant writer (to put it mildly). This child reads books at a level way beyond her years but she hates writing. Every time she needs to work on an essay, research paper, or a creative writing project, I brace myself for the fall-out.
Recently, she had to complete a compare and contrast essay for Language Arts. Her planning process was sound. The outline of the paper was solid. But when she submitted her first draft I was stunned.
What happened to all of her great ideas?
What is going on with her spelling?
How come she isn’t getting this?!
I gave her thorough feedback and sent her back to the computer with a paper full of suggestions to consider for her paper.
I tried not to let my mind go to that familiar place of self-doubt and blame but it’s hard when you’re the teacher. I kept thinking that her lack in language arts must be my fault.
I wallowed… and as I wallowed, I got frustrated, and the more frustrated I became the harder my heart got.
Unfortunately when my daughter returned 10 minutes later with only two small modifications, she had no idea what she was in for. Her mother and trusted teacher became a miserable monster who shook the paper in her daughter’s face.
“Ten minutes?! The changes you need to make should take much longer than that! You’re in grade four! This is unacceptable!”
It took a mere four seconds to realize what I had done.
I had just indirectly told my daughter that she was failing… that she was a disappointment… that she was not good enough.
I was devastated by my own reaction. I immediately apologized and told her to take a break from homeschooling while I think some things over.
She, of course, said she forgave me (because she has the biggest, sweetest heart) but as I watched her walk away, I could visibly see the hurt reflected in her slouched shoulders and bowed head.
What have I done?
Through prayers and tears, I came to a place of a softened heart and a truly apologetic mind. When I approached her again, I was gentle and allowed her to talk about the words she wants to write but can’t… the things she wants to say but can’t describe… the things she wishes she could write but doesn’t because she has to write an essay or a poem and that steals all of her mind, words, and energy.
I dropped the discussion of the essay, but I approached her again a few days later. We talked about writing and she shared how she likes to write her own ideas but doesn’t like the structure of essays, poems, and research papers. I was able to share that while she doesn’t like writing about these things, they serve as ways to practice very important skills. Then we brainstormed some new strategies to make writing more appealing.
As I reflected on this incident, I realized that I had forgotten the most important part of homeschooling… relationship.
Relationship is the cornerstone of why we’re homeschooling in the first place.
I have the opportunity to learn with and from my children but when it comes down to it, I am first their mother, then their teacher. Sometimes it’s a juggling act to know when to wear the teacher’s hat and when to wear the mom hat, but I want my children to remember me as a loving mother, not as a demanding, condescending teacher.
When I graduated from high school, I didn’t look back.
“No more pencils. No more books. No more teacher’s dirty looks.”
It’s not just a childhood rhyme. I was done with school and I was thrilled I wouldn’t have to subject myself to the school system ever again. My educational experience was full of grief, letdowns, and frustrations. I left my school career with a bounce in my step because I had a newfound sense of creative and intellectual freedom.
I don’t want my children to look back on their homeschool years with the eyes that I had. I want them to think that homeschooling was one of the best experiences of their lives.
So, every day when I sit down with my children for homeschooling, I want to express through my teaching and interactions, that our relationship is most important. They’ll eventually learn how to write essays and how to document experiments using the scientific method. However, this window of opportunity to build loving relationships with them is a small one. With each day we move closer to the inevitable moment when they leave home and forge into the world on their own. I want them to always remember that their home is a soft landing place of love, patience, and acceptance.
Relationship… that’s the most important part of homeschooling.
Reflect:
What do you think? Is relationship the cornerstone of your homeschool? I invite you to respond in the comment section below and then share this post with your homeschool communities.
Yes, YES, YESSSS to this. I think relationship is just as important as curriculum and rigor at any form of schooling, whether it’s private, public or home. If your students aren’t invested in you, then they won’t be invested in what you have to say, and what you have to teach as well. The same goes for the teachers–student’s engagement doesn’t come out of thin air. We investigate and foster relationships with our kids in the classroom to know what their interests are, what they like and can handle.
That’s how good instruction happens; that’s the beginning of success in a classroom.
What a great reminder to homeschoolers and teachers alike. Relationships ARE the cornerstones of great instruction and an effective learning environment.
Thank you for sharing, Jennifer :)
I’m glad you enjoyed this Maria… and that you could identify!
My last early childhood education job was with a lab school in a university. I was told after I got the position that my philosophy of relationship being the root of everything I do in my career, was the primary reason why I got the position.
Relationship affects everything! From the interactions with the children, their families, coworkers, to management… if your foundation is strong relationships, it has a tremendous impact on your effectiveness as a teacher.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this!
I used to think academics were the most important part. My oldest was up to the rigor and challenge of a classical (homeschool) education. I expected my youngest would follow suit. One year, we pulled our oldest from a classical-based co-op, and the youngest still attended–I watched her (in third grade) become depressed, sleeping late, shutting down when it came to writing and the demands of the curriculum and the discouraging grades from not meeting all the requirements of the checklist. Writing is my favorite thing–so I felt crushed that my usually bubbly and creative daughter was hating school, writing and learning. I spent a long time in reflection and realized that I had forgotten about their hearts, about how God has them wired, in place of performance and achievement. Now in fourth grade (and eighth for my oldest), we are all at home, and I’m going at their pace, taking back our education to include hearts. It’s made all the difference already. Academics are still important, but like you said, relationship is the cornerstone. I’ve had many years of classical conditioning and it’s not easy giving up rush and rigor. However, I don’t want to criticize my fledgling writer for the things she’s missing, but encourage her and show her–drawing out her beautiful, God-given creativity.
Thanks for your post!
Wow Courtney, it sounds like you learned with and from your children in this process. Everything is so much more enjoyable if we focus on the person and relationship, rather than a goal or ambition.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experience with this!
Your interaction with your daughter, sounds much like mine with my same age daughter — only in math. It’s crazy how quickly the self doubt and negativity seeps and threatens to destroy all the good things we have been building.
It’s so overwhelming when she gets that way! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this Alison.